#And maybe even apologizing at some point!

[motorsportbarbie13]

Aftermath - Chapter 2

When Lando leaves you heartbroken after you get tired of trying to make nothing into something for far too long, Max steps in to help you pick up the pieces.

warnings: this chapter contains language and descriptions that illustrate abuse (mental and emotional). lando is abusive, full stop but like many survivors of abuse, it takes reader a bit to claw herself out of this. as a survivor of abuse myself, I am doing my best to give this story line the most respect and care that i can. please don't engage with my work if you find any of the topics triggering. my sincerest apologies for not putting this in the warnings at first. lando is, once again, an absolute asshole in this. sorry bubs. swearing. i'd also like to point out that this is a character i am writing, i in no way am insinuating or implying the real lando is like this in any way. pairing: max verstappen x leclercsister!reader word count: 4k

Chapter 1 Master List

“You didn’t have to walk me home, you know. It’s only a few blocks.” You tell Max as you press into his side, shivering against the cold breeze of the Monaco night. It had been warm when you left the apartment earlier that evening but now the air held a chill that had you wishing you had taken Carles up on his offer to drive you back home. 

Around you, the city buzzes, a hive of activity on a Friday night but the extent of your world consists of only you and Max. 

“Of course I did. It’s late and cold and there was no way you were walking home alone.” 

“Max, we live in Monaco, I’m perfectly safe.” You joke but secretly, you’re glad Max had offered to walk you home. 

You’d never admit it but you liked being around him, his demeanor had always been calming to you and tonight, your nerves were frayed more than usual. It was probably thanks to the whispers you had heard at the gallery, asking not so quietly where Lando was as you walked around and spoke to the guests. He had never showed up and while you were disappointed he hadn’t showed, you weren’t quite surprised either. There had been something in his tone when you left that evening that had anxiety curling your gut before you even stepped out of the apartment. You hated to even think it, but you somewhat suspected he had never planned on showing up to the show at all that night but you wouldn’t ever put a voice to those thoughts.��  

“Fine then.” Max huffs, but there’s no venom in his voice. “Maybe I just wanted to spend some extra time with you, okay? I feel like we never see each other anymore.” Max lets the unsaid end of that sentence hang in the air: ‘Because you’re with Lando now.’  

Your heart aches at the truth of his words. A lot of your friendships had taken a hit over the last three years. You hadn’t meant for it to happen, but your circle had shrunk significantly since you had started dating Lando and it shocked you how you never had realized it until now. It had started small, with Lando saying he just wanted to spend the weekend only with you while he had a rare weekend off and then slowly morphed into him only wanting to spend time with his friends so if you wanted to see him you had to spend what little time you got with him with his friends as well. Slowly, your friends stopped calling and inviting you places because the answer was always the same: ‘sorry, Lando has plans this weekend and I’m going to tag along with him!’ Or just a straight up ‘no, not this time.’ 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, biting your lip as guilt creeps up your neck. “It’s been a rough year.” 

Max hates the regret that courses through him. He shouldn’t make you feel like this, shouldn’t voice his opinion of what he sees happening in front of him. He can’t help the frustration that bubbles to the surface when you talk like that though. He knows exactly where it comes from and it kills Max knowing that there is one person solely responsible for dimming that sparkle you’ve always had. 

Max stops in the middle of the sidewalk, causing a few tourists to shout in surprise when they have to dodge the Dutchman’s tall frame. A frown finds itself onto his face as he looks down at you. Your heart stutters to a stop, you’ve seen this look before and it has the hairs on the back of your neck prickling. 

“I hate when you do that.” He can’t help himself, he’s kept his peace for far too long but the fact that  Lando missed tonights show has been burning a hole in his chest all night and the embers were about to flare to life. 

Panic squeezes at your chest. Around you, people are shooting glances your way as you both stand in the middle of the crowded sidewalk. You only have a few moments before someone notices it is you and Max Verstappen and start taking pictures. Pictures that will inevitably show up on some gossip instagram account and cause you more trouble than they’re worth. 

“Do what?” Despite your desire to not be seen arguing with Max, you can’t help the question that slips out. 

“When you apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Anyone with eyes can see who the problem is in your relationship and it’s not you, Dovie.” Max’s words come out more harsher than they intend and he knows he’s approaching a line that probably shouldn’t be crossed tonight. 

You can’t bring your eyes up to meet Max’s heated gaze but you can feel him looking at you. Those blue eyes you used to think you could get lost in when you were younger. Before everything changed. Before you met Lando and he swept you right off your feet. 

“Charles told me about the apartment.” Max confesses. Maybe if you know you have others supporting your decision to leave, it’ll make it easier. He hopes that his support would mean something to you.

Your stomach plummets to your toes, cheeks burning red with shame. “Charles should keep his big mouth shut.” You bite out, fists working themselves into a ball at your sides. 

Max’s eyes narrow at your outburst. There was the fire that you’d been missing. Something in Max heaves a sigh of relief, you’re still in there. You’re on the cusp of getting that fire back and Max can almost see you reach for it deep in the pit of your belly. You’re so close to the edge and Max knows you well enough to know when to back off.  

“I’m sorry.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “I won’t press. I just wanted you to know that I miss you.” 

Max momentarily wonders if he’s gone too far when he sees tears well up in your eyes. His heart squeezes at the thought of being the one to make you cry. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” You sob, no longer caring who sees you or what could possibly make it back to Lando. “I know you’re friends with him and I shouldn’t put you in the middle of our mess.” 

Max’s brows knit together in confusion. The fact that you would question his loyalty to you over Lando simply baffles him. “I’ve been in your life longer than I’ve known Lando and you’ll be in my life long after he’s gone.” Max lets that last sentence hang in the air, the prophecy of his words clinging to your skin. 

“Max.” You whisper, floored by the fierceness of his tone and the sincerity of his words. 

Panic claws at him. He’s gone too far, revealed too much. He can’t do that with you now, not when you’re already so fragile. You don’t need that from him and he knows it. Back off, something in him orders and alarm bells clang to life. 

“All I’m saying is,” Max keeps his tone deliberately light. “If you need a friend to talk to, I’m here. Always.” 

You nod, appreciating how he backed off when he saw you panicking. 

Max takes your elbow before turning you around, pointing you in the direction of your apartment. “Come on, let’s get you home, okay?” 

As Max walks you the rest of the way home, Lando is still set up in his gaming room playing Tarkov with Max on his stream. As they begin another raid, Lando notices Max’s stream start to pick up at a much faster pace than it’s been running all evening. He’s been streaming for hours now, since before you left the apartment and while he knows the opening should be wrapping up right about now, he has a hard time caring. Those things are always so boring and he never understands the art, even if it is nice to be photographed out with you and your brothers. 

“What is this link everyone’s spamming chat? You all know if you start spamming, we’re going to mute you.” Max asks, frustration evident in his voice. 

Lando glances over at the chat screen on his second monitor and sees his name flying by along with what looks like an instagram link. He knows he shouldn’t click on dodgy links but curiosity gets the best of him because at the same time the chat starts to explode, so do his notifications from Instagram. “The fuck?” He mumbles, ignoring Max who is reading the chat as they come in. 

“First Verstappen steals your championship, now he’s stealing your girl? Chat, what the fuck are you all on about?” 

Lando can feel the heat rising in his face and he’s instantly thankful that he’s got his video off. He mutes himself quickly too before texting Max, who is desperately trying to regain control of the chat. The link finally opens and Lando nearly drops his phone. He’s been tagged in a series of photos that show you and Max walking out of the gallery together, then you two stopped in the middle of the sidewalk embracing with you clearly looking upset, and then a final one showing you two walking away together. 

Anger flares bright and sharp in his chest as he looks at the photos. You’re making him look like a fool, galavanting around town with the likes of Max Verstappen late at night, especially after all he went thorough with Max last season. What the fuck were you thinking?

“Alright, chat I think that’s going to be the end of the stream tonight. This is why we can’t have nice things!” 

Max ends the stream without a second thought, knowing that Lando is going to be incandescent with rage after seeing those photos and reading all the comments. 

f1.gossip.source posted

f1.gossip.source First he steals the championship, now it looks like Max Verstappen is making a play for @/lando's girl. Uh ooooooh... user9928 I mean, she looked pretty upset in the other pictures I saw leaving the gallery. Lando didn't show to support her so... user298 paddock bunnies gonna bunny >>>user223 she's literally known Max almost her entire life??? user110 this isn't a thing...her and Max have been friends for YEARS. Leave the poor girl alone user1008 lando's loss, she's amazing. user918 idk but if my girl got caught getting a kiss from another guy, I'd go scorched earth >>>user028 SERIOUSLY I am floored by the people defending her??? Like??? >>>user928 maybe if Lando showed up for his girlfriend, Max wouldn't have had to step in and comfort her...?

As Lando struggles to come to grips with what he just saw, you and Max are standing in the lobby of your apartment as you desperately search for your keys. “Fuck, I think I forgot my keys upstairs.” 

“Just give Lando a call, I’m sure he’s still up.” 

You shrug, cheeks heating. “He sometimes gets tunnel vision when he’s streaming and forgets to check his phone.” You admit, not wanting to go more into detail because you know how bad it’ll sound if you have to tell Max that sometimes Lando will completely ignore you while he’s streaming. What you also don’t tell him is that this has happened to you before and all three times, you’d had to spend the night at either Jade or Charles’ house because he had been on stream so late you had nearly fallen asleep in the hallway. 

Max levels a glare at you, unable to believe what you’re saying. “Well, lets both go up then and maybe we can get his attention by knocking.” 

Anxiety ripples through you as Max starts off towards the elevators, giving you no other choice but to follow him. It’s a quiet ride up to your floor as you fidget with the hem of your shirt, unable to even attempt to make small talk with Max. You know the facade of your entire relationship is about to be lifted right in front of one of your oldest friends and you don’t quite know how to make it stop. 

When you raise your hand to knock, your heart hammers in your chest so wildly you momentarily worry Max is going to be concerned for your health. Much to your surprise, it only takes a few short moments for the door to swing open so fast you nearly stumble back. 

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Lando spits when his eyes land on Max. The venom in his voice is so shocking you need to take a step away, unintentionally stepping closer to Max, which seems to set Lando off even more. Rage flares in his eyes at your proximity to his on-track rival. 

“That’s a wild way to say ‘hey man, thanks for walking my girlfriend home in the dark because I couldn’t be bothered to show up to her art show’ but you’re welcome.” Max grits out, taking one step closer to you as if he might need to get between you and Lando. 

Tension hangs thick between the three of you as Lando seethes where he stands in the door. 

“Max, it’s okay.” You whisper, shame lighting a painful spark of fire deep in your chest. This was going to get out of control so quickly. 

“No, it’s not and you know it.” Max turns back to Lando now, eyes blazing with a level of anger that is miles more intense than the look Lando is giving you. “And why the fuck are you coming at her so hot? All I did was walk her home.” 

Lando scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Because this was just posted by almost a dozen gossip accounts and was being spammed all over Fewtrell’s chat while we were streaming.” 

You take the phone Lando is brandishing in your face and go pale. The carousel of photos in the new post are pretty damning, you have to admit but you would have thought that your boyfriend of all people would know better than to blindly believe a series of grainy photos above trusting his own girlfriend. 

“Lando…” You sooth, arm reaching out to touch his elbow. You wince when he pulls away from you. “You of all people should know how those things are twisted. Max was just walking me home and we were talking, that’s it.” 

“But why was he hugging you?” He shows you the third picture of Max hugging you after you had started crying out on the street. You had to admit you were kind of impressed with how fast those photos got out, but it was Monaco after all and you hand’t exactly been discreet when you were upset with Max. 

“Because she was upset you didn’t show up for her. Again!” Max shouts and you flinch.

 The words slice a fresh wound across your heart. The fact that Max knew that this wasn’t the first time upsets you more than you think it should. You’re not entirely sure why Max’s opinion of you matters so much but you’re not quite willing to examine those feelings yet. 

Lando’s glare swings away from you and back onto Max. “Because I’ve been to a million of them and they’re all the same. Same pretentious people pretending they have taste. Once you’ve been to one you’ve been to them all.” 

The words that come out of your boyfriend’s mouth have you audibly gasping, hand flying to your throat. “Lando.” You whisper, pain and shock coursing through your voice. 

You swear you feel a brush of fingertips on the small of your back but the touch is so light and so quick you think you’ve imagined it. 

Something flickers behind your boyfriend’s eyes then and it’s almost like he realizes he’s gone a step too far. His shoulders sag and he shakes his head. “I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry baby.” Lando reaches for you and before you can step away, he pulls you into his chest. He doesn’t miss the way you stiffen in his embrace though and neither does Max. “Please come inside and we can talk about it alone, okay?” He whispers, glaring at Max, clearly dismissing him. 

The way his arms used to feel around you was comforting, you’d seek his affection when you were anxious or upset and he would always take care of you but somewhere along the line, the affection you craved stopped being handed out so easily. Now, you craved it but only because if he was touching you it meant he wasn’t mad at you and maybe this time it would be different. Every time he showed you this kind of affection you hoped that this would be the time he would change. 

It never was. 

“Thank you for walking me home, Max. I’m sorry you got dragged into this.” 

Worry lines crease the spot between his brows as he frowns. Everything in his body is screaming to put up a fight and not let you go inside with Lando. He knows if Charles were here and had just witnessed what he had, there was no way Lando would be leaving this building in anything other than a body bag but he wasn’t Charles and he didn’t have any entitlement to you. He wanted to fight but you weren’t his to fight for. 

“Call me if you need anything, okay Dovie?” 

Lando’s arms tighten around you at the nickname. He hates it and Max knows it. “She won’t need to, I’ve got her.” 

“You sure about that, mate?” Max asks, one brow tipping up in question. 

Without waiting for a reply, Max turns on his heel and walks towards the elevator. In his pocket, his fingers curl around his phone because the moment he gets out of the building he knows exactly who he’s going to be calling: Charles. 

As soon as Max leaves and your behind closed doors, the mask slips again. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, walking home with Max fucking Verstappen? And hugging him?” Lando is pacing the floor of your living room as you stand there, helpless to say anything against his raging. 

It’s usually like this when he gets angry with you and you’ve gotten good at being quiet while he rages. You have to let him work out all the anger and eventually you know he’ll calm down and apologizes for losing his temper. You’ve seen this before and you know exactly what to do, how to humor the angry beast that has surfaced once again. 

“Lando, it wasn’t like that and you know it.” You fight to keep the exasperation out of your voice, knowing that would just set him off even more. “I was alone, my brothers were going in the opposite direction, and Max offered. That’s it! It was completely innocent.” Despite yourself, you try to reason with him.

“You should have just gone home with your brothers then instead of putting yourself in that position.” He snaps and you glare at him. 

“You would have rather me not slept here at home tonight than take an offer from a friend to walk me home? All because you didn’t follow through with what you said you’d do?” 

You know you’re pushing him and Lando doesn’t like to be pushed. Your conversation with Charles two weeks ago flickers through your mind. How you deserve better and it strikes you then that everyone but you can see it. Everyone around you, everyone that loves you can see how bad he is for you, how poorly he treats you and how much you’ve changed since you started dating him. 

You supposed that if you had changed for the better, maybe everyone who loved you wouldn’t have anything to say. Don’t people change for the people they love all the time? You were sure they did but you weren’t sure you liked the change you saw in yourself anymore. You couldn’t fight it, this change that felt like you were wearing shoes that were three sizes too small for your feet. Like you had outgrown yourself in a way that wasn’t okay and you somehow needed to find your way back to who you were before Lando. Before he broke you. 

“And avoid you causing social media chaos that I’m going to be dealing with for weeks now?” Lando sneers, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks down his nose at you. “Yeah, absolutely.” 

You laugh, cold and bitter, as you shake your head. “Thats real nice Lan, real nice.” 

“I’m just saying. Now the rumor mills are going to start up again. Whenever you’re at a race, people will be watching to see if you’re with Max again. Or maybe next time it’ll be Lewis. Or maybe you want to go a bit younger? Get a ‘friendly escort home’ from one of the rookies? I’m sure Franco would love to try his hand with you. My girlfriend, the paddock bunny being passed around.” 

The ache in your chest grows as he chooses his words carefully, barbed and sharp as glass, so they hit their intending target, cutting through you like butter and causing mortal damage.

“You don’t have to be so mean.” You whisper. “I’m sorry that the pictures hurt your feelings and were taken out of context but you don’t have to be so mean.” 

Tears threaten to spill and you will them to stop, knowing that will only fuel Lando’s fire. He loves when he upsets you like this, when he gets to tell you what a drama queen you are. Just like your brother, he would say, always whining and crying on the radio about how Carlos wasn’t being a team player and letting him win when he didn’t deserve it. 

“If I’m not the one to give you a reality check, then who will? Your entire family has coddled you for your entire life and you think you deserve some level of respect that you haven’t earned. If you deserved that kind of respect, you would have gone home with your brothers or walked home alone. People who deserve respect don’t put their relationships in jeopardy because they’re afraid to be alone at night.” 

“Put our relationship in jeopardy?” You laugh again, rolling your eyes at the audacity of what Lando is saying. “Lan, you really are being a bit over dramatic here, don’t you think? I’m sure the PR department at McLaren will take care of this by the next race, no big deal.” 

Lando laughs, dark and bitter as he takes a step towards you. You have to fight the urge not to flinch when he gets closer to you. Deep down, you know he’d never raise a hand to you but it’s hard to remember that when he gets in your face like this. “Now you expect McLaren to clean up your mess?” He hisses. “God, you really are a spoiled little girl, aren’t you?” 

“I’m just trying to find a solution to the problem that I seem to have caused.” You snap back, courage flaring in your chest as you stand up a little straighter. Max’s words from earlier play back in your head: ‘anyone with eyes can see who the problem is in your relationship’. “What if I come to the next race? If the two of us turn up in the paddock together, that will help quiet the rumors, don’t you think?” 

Lando narrows his eyes, “So you can get more attention from Max? Absolutely not. I’ll have McLaren handle this, okay? Just forget about it.” 

You want to scream at his solution because it was the same exact thing you had literally just suggested and been laughed at. But that was the way Lando was. If it wasn’t his idea, it was the worst thing you could have suggested. As long as it was his idea though, it was brilliant and the perfect solution to everything that was wrong. You should have anticipated this coming but you knew it was useless to fight with him. 

All at once, your body is overcome with this total wash of exhaustion. Total mental and physical exhaustion grips at your throat and you sway on your feet. “I’m going to go to bed.” You choke you. “In the guest room.” You tack on before turning on your heel and walking away from the fight like you do every time. Lando always gets the last word and as he stands there alone in the living room he feels like he’s won this one. He’ll have to call Sophie in the morning to get her to start working on damage control but for now? For now, he’s sure you realize your mistakes and you won’t put a toe out of line like that for a long time. 

Little does he know that all he’d done tonight was push you past your breaking point. 

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[personification-of-anxiety]

Literally generative AI just staggers your creativity and whatever it produces is not even that good.

But also in academia if I may add.

I've seen people use chatGPT during exams, and bluntly admit it afterwards. People who I know for a fact are smart people and had top grades before genAI existed in a way it does now.

And in the end I don't care if you cheat but damn at least make your own cheat notes damn it.

But no, because they are scared of failure but also got lazy.

I know they would have had the same grades if they just studied. Maybe a bit less points here and there which wouldn't make a difference anyway in the end.

(Also I apologize because I'll get angry now)

I see the same people apply for scholarships and get them. When I don't fuckin cheat and don't use AI and didn't get it because I had lower grades by a margin. And damn if they had financial problems too, but no these are people who live with their parents, don't have to do house work, don't have to work to survive, have all the fuckin time in the world compared to some and they still do this shit to make it easier.

And I'm fuckin pissed because my integrity is costing me and biting me in the ass and I can't even tell anyone because I'm not a fuckin snitch

I think a lot of what pro-AI people are really wanting is stuff that already exists but they don't know it's out there like

can't format a work email? templates

don't know how to write a resume? templates

writing a thank you card or a condolences card or a wedding invitation? templates templates templates

not sure how to format your citations in MLA or whatever format? citationmachine.net

summary of something you're reading for school/work? cliffsnotes.com

recipe based on ingredients in your fridge? whatsintherefrigerator.com

there's a million more like, guys, we don't need AI, we never needed generative AI

[peachsayshi]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ when gojo has a crush on geto's childhood best friend (pt. 2)

minors / ageless / blank blogs dni

ೃ⁀➷ notes: please read part one here. my baby boy is so sweet and sincere when he's love, even though it's doesn't always come across that way x

ೃ⁀➷ tags: angst and fluff; unrequited(ish) love; pining; hurt/comfort

♡ satoru gojo was not your type. he was cocky, arrogant, obnoxious, childish and a slew of other things that you found deeply unattractive in a man his age. he somehow always manages to take everything just a little too far for your liking. his extroverted persona a bit too overwhelming for you. suguru went on and on about him, but you really couldn't see the appeal. nor could you understand what drew suguru so deeply to him.

♡ okay, maybe he's just awkward, you think. after watching this tall, muscular man walk directly into a closed door mid-conversation. he banged his face so hard against it, he made a funny noise, and you had to suppress a laugh. "are you okay?" you asked concerned, and the man simply grumbled a yes as his cheeks turned a bright pink. it's the first time you saw him blush, and your heart fluttered at the sight.

♡ "look, I know he can be a lot, but you know he's my best friend. other than you, he's the only person I would give my life for," suguru stated honestly. you were both conversing over a tub of ice cream. you were sitting cross legged on the sofa, digging your spoon into the ice cream angrily. satoru made an inappropriate joke in front of everyone that humiliated you. you did not appreciate it one bit. you rolled your eyes and left in a bitter mood. suguru stopped by your place with the ice cream trying to console you.

♡ satoru's face visibly falls when you reject hanging out with him for a movie. two tickets in his hand that he pinches together. it was his way of apologizing apparently, but you were not going to entertain the idea of spending anytime alone with him. "look," you respond with a sigh, "I forgive you, okay? but I'm busy tonight.". it seems your follow up sparked something inside him. he lifts up his face, a small smile highlighting those annoyingly handsome features. "wait, so we are cool? you aren't mad about what I said?" he asks. you exhale, "yeah, we are cool."

♡ "I think you're being really hard on him," suguru stated casually. your cheeks burned with embarrassment. "the guy is obviously making an effort to get along with you, and you keep shutting him down". you stared at your best friend with accusing eyes. "why are you taking his side?" you replied with frustration. suguru gave you a knowing look. "I am not taking sides. but I will defend either of you if necessary." you reached for your arm and pinched it with slight shame. you didn't realize how difficult you were being. "just go easy on him," suguru added on. "if not for his sake, then at least for mine. I just want you guys to get along..."

♡ surprisingly, things started going really well with satoru after you began making the conscious effort to do so. you could even say that you both were starting to become friends. satoru revealed that he was actually quite smart when you both were alone together and not in front of a crowd. he's also insanely talented but downplayed himself quite frequently and nonchalantly. his confidence, his real confidence, about his talents and wits was always subdued. you wondered if the persona he puts on for people is to simply hide away this part of himself. your heart started to expand and contract tightly when you listened to him spitball on some random scientific fact mid-discussion. satoru's incessant chatter not so annoying to you after all. as a matter of fact, he actually had a really nice voice when he was speaking calmly. at one point, he smiled and mumbled that he needed to learn to shut up. he casually ran his long, slender fingers through his snowy hair and gave you a bashful glance. your heart pattered a little faster. he can be really cute when he wants to be.

♡ you're spending a lot more time alone with him. and it's nice. like really, really nice. he's bloomed into someone unexpected. someone that catches your eye in an entirely different way. you do eventually agree to watch a movie together. the two of you were snuggled close in the theatre, sharing a bowl of popcorn. at one point you both reached for the bucket at the same time, the warmth of satoru's touch grazing over your fingers and making your thighs tremble. "sorry," he whispered as he casually lifts his hand, but his hot breath fans your cheek. you gazed up to see that his face is quite close to yours, your eyes falling to his pretty lips then back up to the sparkling blues. "i-it's okay," you answer, taken aback by the proximity of him in your space. you fold your arms over your belly swimming with butterflies, suddenly too aware of your own emotions to eat anymore.

♡ you're falling for him, when did that start happening?

♡ oh. you like him. you like him more than you should. you haven't even told suguru about it and it's eating you up inside. you haven't even admitted it out loud to yourself and that makes you scared. but you can't stop looking at him. he looks so good in his outfit - dressed to kill, and capturing everyone's attention at the party. "who are you staring at?" shoko asks. you try to brush it off, but utahime points out the obvious. suddenly you're bombarded with questions, your words failing you as you try to give an explanation.

♡ they don't accuse you, but they are curious and their wonder spins into hundreds of questions. everyone knows that you didn't like satoru gojo. what suddenly changed?

♡ "satoru is really sweet, but...he's not my type..." you blurt out in an attempt to save yourself and to give yourself some space from the weight of your realization. but only then do you see the girl's expression drop as both their eyes look above your head.

♡ satoru looks back at you crestfallen, having clearly heard what you just said. no, you think, no no no.

♡ he tugs at his collar, "excuse me-" he states as he spins on his heel. you all watch him disappear, and you're suddenly standing there wishing that the ground will swallow you whole. suguru asks the girls to give you both some privacy. the two of you stand in silence for a bit, and you realize that your best friend is giving you a chance to catch your breath. "I have to go talk to him," you blurt out, a sense of panic in your eyes. suguru just smiles. he knows you so fucking well. he takes the drink from your hand and gestures towards the door with the tilt of his head.

♡ "satoru..." you call out quietly, finding him seated outside. he doesn't react like usual, just stares at the ground before clearing his throat. he wipes his hands on his thighs and stands upright, his broad shoulders slumping. he turns around to face you, and the expression makes your brows furrow with concern. "you don't have to say anything," he explains.

♡ he stands upright, slides both his hands in his pockets and exhales in defeat. "I think it's fairly obvious that I like you. But they're just feelings right? It'll go away. I don't want to keep bothering you or wasting your time..." "satoru..." you interrupt.

"you clearly don't feel the same way, and I-I don't want to come across as a creep or make you feel uncomfortable..." "satoru, please" you beg, taking a step closer. "look, it's fine..." he says with a big grin, his eyes glossy and making you ache. "I'm a big boy, I can take rejection..." "it's not fine," you murmur with a shake of your head. "I have clearly been forcing this, making up stories in my own head. I shouldn't...I shouldn't keep taking up your precious time..." he walks up two steps, ready to bypass you but you quickly loop your arm around his bicep and tug him back. "wait-" you stammer, and he halts. frozen, you gaze at each other in contemplation. your other hand reaches for his jaw, and his body stiffens against your touch. "just...wait..." you softly add on, trying to rationalize your own feelings and what this could all mean. you tilt your head up, your thumb outlining his jaw. your eyes fall to his parted lips, your own seeking him out. you kiss him sweetly, apologetically, affectionately.

satoru is stunned. his eyes fall hazy like he can't believe what just happened. he looks so cute that you can't help but smile, your thumb moves to swipe the lipstick over his bottom lip.

"I-..." he mumbles dreamily, slowly angling his body in your direction. he gulps down the raw hurt. "I thought I'm not your type..."

"you're not," you answer back cheekily, your arms moving to circle around his neck while his own hands find your hips. "but I think that's exactly why I like you. you're everything I didn't expect."

his forehead drops against yours as a wave of relief washes over him. "you like me?"

you nip at your bottom lip, teasing the tip of his nose with yours. "yeah," you answer a little breathlessly, before smiling into another kiss "I really do."

♡ when suguru wakes up the next morning, the first text he receives is from satoru. after you both disappeared from the party last night, he had to follow up.

suguru: let me guess, did you both kiss and make up? satoru: I just left her place, heading back to mine now. suguru: spare me any gross details please. satoru: I feel like I am dreaming. last night wasn't real suguru: pretty real, bud. so, don't fuck it up. satoru: just pinch me when you see me, alright? I need to make sure.

[rat6ix]

So what?

Nam-gyu x reader

Summary: you are horrible for each other but neither of you are gonna do anything about it.

Warnings: smut, toxic!nam-gyu AND reader, neither of them are good people dont be like them, degrading from both parties, switch!nam-gyu and reader, biting, doesn’t take place in squid game, talk of drugs; no description of either doing them but yall high as shit, reader and nam-gyu love each other in some kind of fucked up way…i think, reader is highkey a freak and not in a good way, choking but not the sexy kind reader is tryna kill him, but then again he finds it hot so maybe it is sexy..?, no aftercare.

Porn with no plot 😇

—

Wc: 1.1k

— 🐀

At this point you’re not sure nam-gyu remembers why you were fighting, the drugs in your system combined with the feeling of his cock shoved inside of you making both of your brains fuzzy, you could tell he was getting antsy —impatient even. You hadn’t moved since his cock had slipped inside of you, he didnt deserve it, Not until he apologized. His hands away from any part of you, you made it very clear you would have no problem kicking him out of your apartment , it wouldn’t be the first time he was on your doorstep begging for you to let him in.

You heard him whine from under you, obviously trying to keep himself from squirming. You could feel his cock twitch every time you shifted a certain way, you wanted to roll your eyes at how pathetic he was. His eyebrows were scrunched together, his eyes squeezed shut trying not to fall apart but you knew he would sooner than later.

“Don’t be like that, stop being a cunt nam-gyu look at me.” You teased.

Bringing your hand up to his jaw. You chuckled as he glared at you, his hands twitching by his sides. You know how much he wanted to flip you over and fuck your brains out but you also knew he wouldn’t cause his ego means too much to him.

“Fuck you.” Nam-gyu growled, his jaw clenched his eyes still glaring. You stared down at him blankly before you started laughing, you’d might as well have tears in your eyes at this point.

“You’d love that wouldn’t you.” you joked.

You rolled your hips, a smile still on your face as nam-gyu let out a strangled noise. You moved your upper body closer to his, your hand leaving his jaw finally. Leaning to whisper in his ear.

“Say you’re sorry and I’ll fuck you.”

He made a noise of defiance, jerking his head away from your’s. You leaned back up and frowned, reaching down and gripping his hair. He winced at the feeling, your grip tight as you pulled his face towards yours.

“Don’t do that nam-gyu, you owe me an apology for what you did.” You insisted.

When He didn’t answer your grip on his hair got tighter until he broke.

“Fuck—fine! Im sorry.” He pleaded tears gathering in his eyes from the pain.

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.” You chuckled.

You knew he didn’t and you were right, the look on his face gave him away. It was the face he always made when he was about to lie himself out of trouble. You knew him far too well for far too long for that to work on you. He didn’t know but you didn’t mind reminding him, your hands moving to his chest.

“Remember when you left me high off my ass on the bathroom floor of club pentagon tonight because you had “better things to do than babysit someone who cant handle their drugs”, hm?” You tilted your head as you spoke.

You were tempted to get off his dick kick him out right now just because he didn’t remember, luckily a nice girl stayed with you until you were sober enough to walk and he’s lucky you’re somewhat sober now or else you’re sure you’d be throwing his shit out of your bedroom window; you probably still will if he pisses you off again.

“You’re still mad about that?” Nam-gyu laughed.

His laughter didnt last long as you brought your hands to his throat and fucking squeezed. His eyes widened as you smiled down at him, his fingers trying to pry your hands off of him.

“C’mon say sorry.” You chuckled, doing your best to keep your hands where they were.

“Fuck— im— sor—sorry.” He tried his best to wheeze out.

Satisfied with his shitty apology you release your grip on his neck leaving him sputtering for breath and coughing. You looked down at him with disinterest, your fingers drawing shapes into his stomach. It took him a little bit to get back to normal, his eyes still wide looking at you. He opened his mouth to talk but you cut him off before he even began.

“I could feel your dick twitching the entire time i dont wanna hear anything you fucking slut.” You rolled your eyes.

You barely had time to register him flipping the both of you over, his hands on your wrists keeping you still. His face was unreadable but you could tell he was fucking pissed. It didn’t take long for him to start fucking his cock in you at a brutal pace, his ringed fingers moving to to dig into your thighs, You were definitely going to have bruises on them in the morning.

Your fingers digging into his shoulders kept you grounded, your jaw dropped a bit has he fucked you into your mattress. He was breathing heavy above you, his head hung with hair framing his face. You could hear him curse under his breath a few times before raising his head back up and flipping his hair back to where it wouldn’t obscure his vision.

“Looking a little tired nam-gyu—“ you laughed.

You were cut off by a particularly rough thrust, jolting you backward. You could nam-gyu had enough if your bullshit but that only made you smile harder as he got angrier.

“Stupid fucking bitch, always running your mouth.” Nam-gyu retorted, gripping your jaw.

It hurt to keep smiling, his fingers digging into your face, but you didn’t care. Your mouth open now as you drool all over his hand. He looks at you disgusted before letting go to wiping the drool all over your face. You laughed as best as you could with his cock still being shoved into you at an alarming pace. Your breathing was as labored as nam-gyus at this point, you could tell he was as close to cumming as you were.

Your hands went to the hair on his neck, he probably wasnt even feeling anything but you wrapped around his cock as you tugged at it. His eyes were trained on where your bodies met, occasionally looking up at your face. His hips were stuttering now, the way you were squeezing his cock not making it any easier. For the first time that night he leaned down and caught your lips in a bruising kiss, you decided to take pity on him and return it. After the kiss was broken you took advantage of the position you were in, digging your teeth into his shoulder smiling up at him when he pushed you back with a glare.

It wasnt long after that you both came, nam-gyu pulling out to cum on your stomach. The room was still, the only sound being both of your loud breathing. He rolled off of you a minute later, taking his place on your other side. You stared up at the ceiling for a while before getting up and making your way to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Nam-gyu asked out of breath.

“Shower.”

—

Belongs to rat6ix

[rongzhi]

(Apologies in advance for typos.)

^ My original tags on this, but actually, I wanted to expand on my views about this a little bit based on some other collected musings I had about the XHS move (which—now that the dust has settled a bit, is it still going on? I don't even know). I'll preface this by saying that my own XHS has been pretty much spared of the wave of American signups, since my feed is mostly art/tattoos and not so much lifestyle/vlogs.

Mainly, I wanted to dig into that feeling of being "over it", a sentiment I've seen circulated on Tumblr by other Chinese diaspora. I think it's a IYKYK situation in some ways but I wonder if non-Chinese diaspora are precisely aware of why there is a underlying sense of caution and this side-eyeing toward everything going on. (To an extent, I think non-Americans who have to deal with us Americans dominating internet spaces probably also have some insight into this.)

Essentially, after that initial cute "haha" feeling of seeing people jump into a new space and meeting all the new people, for me personally, just from having run this blog for 4 years now, I feel distinctly aware that things could go wrong.

Others have said it better, be it pointing out the infantilising or inherent sinophobia, but there is a slant to that attitude of jumping on a new app and discovering that Chinese people can be funny, that they can be kind, that they are sociable and, in basic terms, "just like you", that leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. Oh, you just realised that? People can argue that it was never possible to connect with Chinese netizens before all they want, but in fact, clearly, it was as easy as downloading an app that's free on U.S app stores. Next, you could say, well, there's cultural exchange happening now, which is better than nothing, so what are you so pissy about! I agree, I'm not saying it's a bad thing that some Americans are finally making some attempt to converse with someone outside of their Western, Anglo internet bubble (even if they did so as in the comfort of what is essentially another bubble, as part of a trend). Obviously there is a net good to a person joining XHS, and my wariness mostly comes down to this sense of "discovery" coming with a feeling that Chinese people are still getting lumped into a monolith. Maybe now the monolith is nice and friendly; now the monolith is cute and funny and helpful.

What happens if the Tiktokers realise that some Chinese people also are more socially conservative, or that there are societal issues that Chinese people still have to work through, which aren't ideal or progressive enough for the Enlightened Americans—then what? I've already seen the answer in smaller doses over the years, so I don't know about others, but this is something that I—maybe—hopefully just cynically—can't help but keep my ears tuned towards: the other shoe dropping. Again, for Chinese diaspora (and no doubt, diaspora of any culture in a similar situation), it's "if you know, you know"; we've seen the fickleness of attitudes. The xenophobia and sinophobia that run rampant in U.S society (and I'm sure other western countries, but I speak as a USian) is well known to us in a way that mainlanders often don't take heed toward. Even if there is a sinophobic backlash over anything that arises online, the brunt of it won't be felt by Chinese netizens but us Chinese diaspora who spend the most time in Anglo internet spaces. So, I'm a bit over it all. I've seen how interest in China can play out—for example, how learning Mandarin or being a fan of cdramas or hanfu hardly frees a person of their sinophobia or from regurgitating xenophobic talking points.

It's nice but naive to think that the majority of the tiktokers playing around on XHS right now, trading memes and basking in the numbers of Chinese social media, will truly self-interrogate all too deeply. If some of them seem to have only just realised that Chinese people are ~so nice~, how Other have they been seeing Chinese diaspora? Is that still the case? Will they necessarily make the same effort to know and listen to Chinese diaspora? (People in cfandom will know the answer).

Again, I think there's an overall positive to all this, especially in this ~political climate~ (altho I doubt the people who need positive interaction with Chinese people the most downloaded XHS lol). I guess I just wanted to add all this because because I feel like my first response was quite vague and on second thought, I figured I might as well try to unravel some of my thoughts and impart them to anyone who maybe had no idea there was this perspective to things. Call me jaded or no fun at parties all you like, but that's literally just how it is.

Lastly, I'll just say that from me scrolling douyin, I've also seen how people in China have reacted to the influx of Americans on XHS, so I can tell you a little bit of the other side. It also corresponds a little with what I'm trying (but maybe failing) to say about Chinese diaspora: the people who have been having as much/equal fun with the convergence of internet spaces have been mainlanders with no general dealings with Americans. In the past week, the bloggers I've seen who've been vocal/warning about Chinese people not bending over backwards to start speaking English all the time, or just following/kissing up to Americans because they're white*, have been Chinese netizens—mainly students—who live/study abroad.

* Yes, obviously there are non-White Americans, but white people are, as ever, uplifted the most by society on the basis of being white. We know this.

how do you feel about so many americans getting on 小红书?

[sweetflanfiction]

Asymetrical Symphony - Part 21

Universe: Arcane (LOL)

Pairing: Viktor x reader

Summary: You had been on the rooftop with Jayce and the Herald and somehow you were sent to a place where things can be different with your help

Disclaimers and Warnings: If you want me to tag you on the chapters let me know! Also leave a comment with your thoughts :D Not finished, not proofread. English isn't my 1st language. All I know about LOL is from google and all I know about Arcane is taken from the show, so inacuracies will be plenty. I have a sort of idea on how to I'm gonna go with magic and runes, so bear with me. The reader will be written as GN (going by they/them) to get everyone involved, but if you see any discrepancies let me know

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11 • Part 12 • Part 13 • Part 14 • Part 15 • Part 16 • Part 17 • Part 18 • Part 19 • Part 20

• ··········· • ············ •

The night was bright, the moon and the stars illuminating the room at the Academy you were now standing in. You were sitting on a wheely bench, swaying from side to side, your fancy attire contrasting with the uniformed man sitting beside you. 

The blackboard in front of you was filled with a familiar chicken scratch. You grinned at it. Man is a genius, but gods forbid he wrote anything legible. There was a 3D schematic next to the list. 

"What was that shape again?" You asked, smiling mischievously, and heard the Zaunite scientist chuckle low after sighing.

"It is a dodecahedron."

"Say it again."

He snorted, looked you dead in the eye, and said it again, accentuating every syllable.

"Do-de-ca-he-dron."

"Sounds much better when you say it." You winked and saw his face redden quickly. It was cute, and you had recently found you enjoyed his cuteness. You wanted to pull this side of him out more.

You’d met a while ago; you being one of Jayce’s old friends, he took no time to introduce you to his new lab partner. And you two took no time in becoming entangled. You didn’t believe in love at first sight, but the attraction was there.

Looking away from the man, you studied the blackboard. Your head tilted to the side, your perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowing in curiosity.

You’d been drawn to it as soon as you entered the dark Tallis Lab. The dinner at the mansion had become boring, and you'd decided to disrupt Viktor's evening with your presence. Not that he minded; at least it wasn't what his tired smile told you when he opened the door to the lab to find you there, staring with an overly innocent smile on your face.

He had invited you in and told you to wait for a couple of minutes until he was done with his work. That had been an hour and a half ago, and at some point, he stopped apologizing.

And now here you were, hypnotically staring into a badly erased blackboard, with something written on it and a schematic that did nothing but fill you with curiosity. So much so that you got up from your seat next to Viktor to stand in front of it.

“It is not a painting in a museum, you know.” His voice came from behind you, the telltale sounds of him getting up and walking toward you loud in the empty lab.

"I do have to find something to do while waiting for a certain Undercity scientist to find out I'm waiting on him." You bit back at him and heard him chuckle as he limped towards you. “Besides, exactly how many museums have you ever visited?”

His hand snaked around your waist and stayed there, pulling you gently into him. You felt the scent of oil, parchment, and coffee coming out of him along with a smile on his lips as he breathed you in and nuzzled up to your neck, the ghost of a kiss near your ear making you smile.

"Maybe you'd like to take me to some sometime."

"Sure, should I schedule that before or after your 24-hour shift in the lab?" You looked sideways at him, and he shook his head; a tired sigh was the only thing that came out of him, though.

“What is it anyway?” You felt him place his chin on your shoulders, and you grabbed his forearm, making soft circles on his skin. “Not the shape…the whole thing.”

“The core facets of the arcane.” He simply hummed, his fingers drawing lazily, stroking your waist as he swayed you both gently from side to side. “It is for a project I’m working on. But most of these we add to the hex gems for them to work.”

"And what is this project you are working on?" He shrugged.

"I cannot say. If it all goes well, it can change everything."

"Everything?" He nodded confidently. "Well, reaching for the stars, aren't we?"

"Well, funny enough, one of those symbols is for the moon." He traced a symbol in the air, and you realized that the bullets from the bullet list were, in fact, symbols. 

“You need to get better at writing so that someone else can read it.” You squinted at the blackboard.

“Jayce can read it, and that's all that matters.” You felt him shrug nonchalantly.

If Viktor's words were a pain to read, the smaller scratches next to them were downright impossible to decipher. 

“What are they? The facets I mean.”

He straightened up but didn’t move, only adjusting his crutch and his grip on you to find a good position. The back of your head rested against his chest, and you felt his slow breathing.

“The first are the natural facets: air, earth, fire, and water. Then the heavenly bodies: the moon and the sun. And then the forces of magic: chaos and order.”

“That’s eight of them. The dodecahedron has twelve sides. You finished the question with a kiss on his jaw. 

“We are still trying to figure out the rest.”

“I guess you two have to do something inside this big room to warrant the absurd amount of money you are being given by the Academy.” You joked and looked at him as his eyes dropped to you disapprovingly. “I’m joking. Tell me more.”

“We have come to some conclusions.” He started, his voice becoming animated. “For example, magic in itself cannot kill or give life, because you cannot kill a rock or bring a rock to life. But if certain sediments find themselves in the right order, a rock can be created, the same way that if something chaotic happens in the process, the rock may not be a rock at all. It becomes corrupt.”

“Are we bribing a rock now?” You joked, and he moved his fingers on your waist, tickling you and making you shriek.

“Not that type of corruption. Think of it as any condition that can deteriorate something.”

“Why aren’t those two in there? Create and corrupt?”

“Chaos and order…”

“No…” you argued, lifting a finger to shush him. “Chaos and order are different things. Chaos doesn’t necessarily corrupt, and order doesn’t create. You can create through chaos and corrupt through order.”

Viktor stayed silent for a while, biting the inside of his cheek in contemplation. After a few minutes, he disentangled himself from you, and an impressed expression showed on his face, which you returned with a smug one. He walked over to the board and wrote what you assume were those two words with white chalk.

“If we add corruption as something that deteriorates…then we must add what deteriorates the most.” He pointed the chalk to you, and you raised your eyebrows. “Time.”

“If you add time, you might as well add space. Like... physical space... distances, dimensions, measurements, and whatnot.” You walked over to him, grabbed the chalk, and added your suggestion. "If you physically place a rock in a location with the right conditions, it can become a pebble."

“I’ll make a scientist out of you someday.” He grabbed your hand and placed the chalk on its little sill under the board.

“Yuck.” You grimaced dramatically. “And be stuck in this dark hole with y’all without getting the chance to leave whenever I want? Blah... thanks, I’ll pass.”

“I could make your time spent in this lab very much worth it." He took a small step towards you. "After hours, that is…”

You raised an eyebrow at his forwardness. This whole thing between you two was weeks long, and although Viktor's demeanor was a little cold and collected most of the time, he liked to throw these jabs just to see your reaction. 

“Why spend that time at the lab when there's a perfectly good mansion?” You grinned, and he rolled his eyes jokingly.

Viktor’s cold hands came up to your face and held it, gently looking into your eyes with a loopy, tired smile, his thumbs caressing your cheekbones. He moved a piece of hair from your forehead, gently caressed the space between your brows, and placed a kiss there. 

“What if it is just a little bedroom over at the Academy dorms?” He whispered into your ear, and you smiled, moving so you could look at him.

“It'll do, I guess...” You joked, and he laughed, grabbing your hand and moving you towards the workstation. 

You saw him go around the lab turning machines off, placing schematics in drawers. He grabbed his satchel and placed a couple of those in there with his notebook and pencil.

Before walking out the door, you looked back at the board, still curious about that subject. Your neat handwriting in the middle of Viktor's.

'Space'

"Are you hearing me?" Viktor asked, snapping you out of your reverie.

"No... I never do really. I'm just here for the pretty face." He blushed and grabbed your hand, pulling you out of the lab, already rambling about the hexgate inauguration and how much he didn’t want to go.

• ··········· • ············ •

@marshy-moo @victormydarling @blueesmiski @th3stup1dcat @22carolina08 @httpstes @that-one-shitty-blog @disa-pointment @sseleniaa @moons-lighttrail @aysluxe @fae-doodle @kitewa @local-mr-frog @bakusquadobsessed @cherry-cola-100 @optimistic-but-very-realistic @seeksrsnn @thecordelialetters @notsaelty @lansy-4 @ayupfrogg @sammypotato @wnbrw @lucycarlisleswife @noxturnalmoth @ren-ren23 @furblrwurblr @kapitankarate @mynicknameisgasoline @octo-octopie @birbwithhat @kneelarmhstrung @dedicated2viktor @elvishstudies @iamfandomnerd

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

For your clean anal anon, (TMI ahoy)

As a spontaneous anal sex haver, let me say two points:

Working up to it is part of the fun, and

a finger up there to check if the coast is clear is sufficient and accurate 99% of the time

I’ve never done an enema, and have only had a poop incident maybe a half dozen times in over a decade. I’m pretty ambivalent about the grossness of poop (obviously practice good hygiene, hand washing etc) If I was that worried/embarrassed about the possibility for my partner to see my poop, I don’t know that it would be part of our sex life. If the fun and reward can’t out weigh the ick factor that’s ok, but for me it does :)

well, sorry about all that, but hopefully this first hand account can shed some light for the anon about how a freak like me lives (lol) and all the best to them on their anal adventures

please don't apologize for literally any of that it's so necessary

I appreciate people wanting to be thoroughly safe about anal sex but there's mmm... how do I describe this... an overzealous level of squick some people exhibit that I think betrays a real unexamined disgust that stigmatizes the anus and people for whom it's a prevalent part of their sexual desire and play.

and I think this mostly comes from people who pretty evidently aren't having anal sex themselves, which is obviously completely fine but does lead to a rather silly situation re: people who aren't even doing anal getting yucked out imagining that someone, somewhere might be having anal sex that seems unclean which is like. okay. and what if we all minded our own business and trust that people know what they're doing with their bodies.

[thequeenofcurses]

Where You Left Me

summary: based off this post by @yeagersss Zombie AU. Sukuna x f!Reader (part 1??) wk: 850 tw: uh zombie stuff and people dying/violence ig. smut later maybe? sry I'm not good a tws

Sukuna’s heavy black boots hit the ground with a crunch, as he stomped on a skin bag. It’s brains sticking to his heel. The smell of the flesh rotting filled his nose. He wiped his feet and searched the corpse for anything useful. Nothing. Damn it. 

The air was thick with decay, and flies buzzed around the corpses littering the ground. The faint rustle of leaves in the wind kept him on edge—it could be nothing or something far worse

CLICK! CLACK!

Another zombie appeared behind him. And then another. And another. “Tch,” he shook his head. Where the hell do these things keep coming from? His group cleared this area days ago. “Let’s dance dead fucker,” he said with a cocky smile. 

He pulls out his machete from his side pocket, turns, and immediately lobotomizes the closest zombie. The next two take an off angle, walking at him from both his front and back. Making a quick decision, Sukuna kicks the front walker with powerful force, causing it to fall backward.

He raised his machete just in time as a shadow darted to his left. A decayed hand shot out, fingers clawing at his boot. With a growl, he stomped hard, the sickening crunch of bone echoing through the air.

Now, a one v one, Sukuna takes on the zombie at his back. The rotten skin bag throws its arms forward, desperately trying to get a grip to bite him. Effortlessly dodging, Sukuna ducks, left, right, then uppercuts the zombie with his machete. One left. It was still on the ground, barely managing to crawl forward at him. Its decaying teeth rattled as they chomped and clicked up and down, wanting a bite of his flesh. “Die you ugly thing,” Sukuna commanded as he stepped on its neck. Just to be safe, he sliced at its head, destroying its brain.

"Y/n," he growled under his breath, scanning the area. His chest tightened as he glanced over his shoulder, his grip on the machete tightening. Where the hell are you?

You were supposed to be watching his exit, yet somehow three lamebrains managed to get in behind him.

Sukuna lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he sees you.

He didn’t understand why his chest felt lighter when he saw you running toward him, dirt and blood covering your hands. Relief wasn’t something he allowed himself to often feel, but here it was, twisting inside him. It infuriated him how easily you could be taken from him, how little control he had in this godforsaken world.

“Sorry,” you panted heavily, running up to his side. Your hands were covered in dirt and dry blood. “I was dealing with some walkers outside and a few managed to get by me. I’m sorry.”

He nods and shrugs off your apology. “I’m fine,” he affirms. He wipes off the blood on the walker's clothes and holsters his machete back at his side. “You alright?” You don’t notice it, but Sukuna’s eyes scan your whole body, checking for injuries.

“Yeah,” you murmur. “I didn’t think there’d be so many stragglers here so soon.”

“Where’s Sora?” he questioned. It was his damn idea for us to come out here again. “I don’t know how much longer we should—”

“Foun' 'em!” Sora chirped, his accent grating on Sukuna’s nerves. “Cheers for havin’ me back!” He stuffed the books into his bag, and Sukuna’s eyes narrowed. Too quick, too suspicious. “With these books, we'll surely boost our farm at the camp, so we might even whip up a bit o' medicine!” 

Sukuna rolled his eyes, but nodded all the same. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he waved him off. “I still want those extra food rations for this.”

“Got it, lad,” Sora confirmed. “Ye two 'ave been a grand help in our group, so ye have.” With that, Sora finished gathering all his items and zipped up his bag. “Let’s head on back?” Taking point, Sora leads the long walk back to camp, with you and Sukuna following a few feet behind together. 

In actuality, Sukuna walked a half-step behind you, scanning the trees for movement. His machete stayed within reach, even though the area seemed quiet. Just in case.

You walk side by side with the tall tattooed man who once intimidated you. Now, you can’t imagine ever leaving his side.  “What were you trying to tell me earlier?” You remember his early statement which got cut off. 

“Tell ya later,” he gruffly responds. You see his eyes staring at Sora’s back.

“Okay,” you acknowledged. We don’t have secrets, he pondered. She’ll get the hint. The rest of the walk back, Sukuna made sure you stayed hydrated. It was only a two-hour-and-a-half journey, but anything can happen or go to shit immediately in this cursed world.

You were the only thing he had left in his life, and he’ll be damned if he lets you get taken from him. As annoying as Sora’s accent was, he preferred hearing him yap over the new quietude. 

The quiet unsettled him. In this world, silence was never a gift; it was a warning.

[shyve3]

Messy Season 1 Finale Rant

SPOILERS!!

first things first:

i owe the "Buddy is a key theorists" a MASSIVE apology. holy shit you guys are actually geniuses.

i read some of the finale theories, and one of them mentioned that the fact that Nox referred to one of the keys as an "it" in the first few episodes, meaning it could've been possible he was turned into a key at some point, leading him to refer to Violet as an actual person.

Dreams by Night was a really confusing episode to me, but i feel like it ties in a lot with what happened this season and possibly WHY he's a key.

The lock suggests that he's been trapped, and later in Dreams by day we see another panel of him locked up. That also makes me wonder if it was around this time he was turned into a key, and his "original" body or however he looked in stories was TRAPPED in a coffin like this one.

Anyone else who theorized about Dreams by Day, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like this dream wasn't JUST a thing Chase imagined. It was also Nox's story.

like he looked absolutely terrified in both panels, and we can assume that maybe this was a memory of Nox's that we witnessed?

it would also make sense why "Buddy" had the number "2" written on the back of him. it would be like he wasn't a key at the time.

Even before we saw this episode, I always used to wonder how the keys really came to be. I know they're meant to go into stories, but I genuinely feel like they were once human. Especially after seeing this episode, where he had a desire to be free.

At first I think his wish would've been directed to his "leaders" of Ex-Libris, probably something selfish and horrible assuming they're basically holding Buddy hostage.

Maybe after he was turned into a key he has a little less anger towards Chase?? Now, the conversation with Violet shows his desire to be free.

But it hurt my heart to see his hopelessness even after kissing Chase. For Chase, it was amazing, but to Buddy it was "nothing could come out of this" ARGHHH

This is also so huge because guys, the Keys are People Too ;) But literally this time!! I KNEW it but this is so amazing

There were 4 missing keys, hence the 4 marks on his chest. We know where 3 of the keys are, but we know nothing of the 1 key. What if Buddy was turned into a key because of this, as a "punishment" ?

this rant literally makes no sense but im NOT okay after the finale and i need to think about this more because what the hell. i seriously need time to piece things together.

yes thats me right now.

[maxdibert]

I don’t think Lily’s a particularly empathetic person tbh. Petunia’s a cow, but they were obviously close once and Lily doesn’t possess the sensitivity required to understand that it’s coming from a place of being made to feel less than. She flirts with James while her friend is choking on soap suds and throws Severus’ otherness right back in his face after he does the same to her, but only one of them thinks they behaved poorly in that situation. She’s fine with dating an abuser once he (publicly) calms down a bit, but doesn’t require evidence of him making amends to his victims. It’s an interesting character quirk, her self righteousness, but not one that tends to come with introspection. I wonder if people mature mentally in the afterlife? If she’s stuck at 21, forgiveness is probably off the table. If she’s 38, well, I think it’s totally reasonable to be angry at the prophecy debacle, but she also has decades of evidence of his genuine atonement.

Severus is so self-loathing and desperate for connection that he’s incapable of accepting he’s ever got a point when it comes to conflict with Lily, and Lily is a golden child unused to being held accountable for anything. It’s a toxic combination even when they’re children. Add in the fact that Severus’ mistakes indirectly got her killed, and I think they’d both end up feeling that her failures as a friend were so insignificant in comparison it’s not even worth discussing. Maybe the best case is that doing some more self-flagellating and her blessing him with forgiveness even with no reciprocal exchange allows him to move unburdened onto a Lily-free afterlife.

Yes, I think you’ve absolutely nailed it. Severus feels so terrible because he had a deep emotional dependence on Lily. And honestly, I get it—a marginalized kid from a conflict-ridden home, likely neglected by his parents, with zero social skills. I’ve always thought Lily was his attachment figure, which is pretty common among people with emotional deficits: they latch onto those who show them any affection in an exaggerated way, leading to dependency. And clearly, Lily didn’t see their friendship the same way, because she didn’t have those emotional needs.

I mean, as much as Petunia was conditioned to be resentful and we dislike her, we can probably credit her when she implies multiple times that Lily was the favorite child. It’s logical: Lily was the "magical" child. Plus, being the younger sibling likely meant she was spoiled by default, and being a witch added another layer of fascination for her parents. She was probably used to a lot of attention and praise, which only solidified during her school years as she became popular, well-liked by adults and peers, and widely considered very attractive. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was a bit egocentric, which fits with her inability to put herself in someone else’s shoes or care about anything unless it affected her personally.

For instance, she didn’t care about Mary McDonald being bullied because Snape was her friend. But the moment Snape stopped being her friend, she suddenly brought it up. Like, what? It didn’t bother her before? Or did she not care because she didn’t need leverage against Severus? And isn’t it convenient that she "hated" James because of how he treated her friend, but once that friend wasn’t in the picture, she ended up dating him? What, did she suddenly forget everything James did, or was it just that she no longer needed to pretend to care? In my headcanon, she was all about appearances. She got involved in the war because it affected her directly; if it hadn’t, I think she wouldn’t have cared at all.

That said, I don’t think Severus owed anyone an apology. I mean, I understand why he felt guilty, and it’s commendable, but if I’d spent five years being bullied and harassed and then my ex-best friend—who witnessed all of it—started dating my bully? I swear I’d burn her hair off. I’d grab a lighter and make a bonfire right in the middle of class. And then I’d pluck her eyelashes out, one by one. Honestly, it’s like if your friend decided to date a guy who tried to assault you—what the actual fuck, girl? What are you even thinking? Let her mother apologize for raising her with no sense of ethics.

[hearts4werka]

TW for this whole post, there’s mentions of a lot of stuff so like be aware of what you’re getting into guys

Okay so I didn’t expect to be making this post but this is just completely disgusting and I cannot leave this just without adding a say into this, the whole situation happening rn and going around with @sturniololuv08 is just genuinely making me sick to my stomach, I met Bri when I was in the group chat on discord with her but previously we were following each other on here, she hasn’t private messaging me like it was with Kay and gray (check out their posts) but a lot of the times I would be on voice chat with bri in them and some of the stuff I would hear in them, there were other people but they would leave quickly cuz they said it made them uncomfortable, I didn’t wanna be rude so I was the one that stayed the longest in them and I heard almost everything the others said she was saying. The one thing that freaked me out when she said was about the poll for her next fic, the axe option that was winning currently she said that sadistic!matt would take the axe and cut off the girls toe and make him suck the blood out of it, the cnc fic was just sickening, personally I haven’t read it cuz it feels triggering for me, I’m so sorry for anyone who has read it and was either triggered or traumatized from some of the asks my friends have sent to the group chat of anons in their inbox talking about it, and I also want to talk about the relationship between bri and grace who is freshly 18, all of us are concerned for the most part for grace cuz having such a big age gap and being freshly over the age of 18 is also kind of weird to engage in it, I don’t know grace’s side of the story so I’m not going to assume anything but this relationship doesn’t seem like a good relationship at all, especially with a person like bri. The stuff she was saying in the chat as well as the voice chat were just very uncomfortable to everyone involved, including myself, every time she would write something or send anything about her fics she would constantly ping either me or everyone and was you could say pressuring us into reading it even though if someone wasn’t exactly comfortable with reading it, she would as well not add much tw with snippets she would send to the chat, gabby who is the owner of the group pointed that out multiple times and told her to put it as a spoiler or put it in tw - main but her excuse was just that everyone should know that her stuff is triggering content. The whole situation is very uncomfortable and overwhelming but I’m making this cuz bri hasn’t taken full accountability for her actions as well as she keeps making excuses for them, if you’re reading this then I advice stop texting minors to say the least and don’t do shit like this anymore nor write ‘different’ type of fics cuz we are perfectly fine with the ‘basic repeative fics’ on here, for your age i thought you would take a more mature approach to this and actually take accountability and properly apologize for this cuz talking to people way younger than you in this way is not okay, I fear you need mental help and a therapist first and foremost, maybe I’ll make another post about this maybe not but for now this is my response to this. Peace out.

Please block/report her accounts

@/letstrip1975 & @/sturniololuv08

— @mattslilies @m4ggvt @y3sterdaysproblem —

[sleepypanda01]

SPOILERS FOR SEASON FINALE/Theories for next season

HUGE SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION (only read after you have read the season finale, you have been warned)

I wanna talk about my theory of Buddy stealing Chase's narratonin this whole time. After re-reading some eps, there are some clues I gathered (This turned out to be a mix of observations put together, some sort of character analysis and a few theories. It also turned out to be very long, so Buckle up!)

I apologize in advance for any mistakes, English is not my first language. I also apologize if people in the past have made similar theories, I would not want to get repetitive, but I have not come across any similar posts so far

Now without any further ado, I am ready to share my super long CB essay.

-First and foremost, we have seen Chase feeling down for getting so little narratonin compared to Deacon and Prunella. If Nox can track Chase in every book, he might be able to steal his narratonin too. Since he is some sort of key, he might not be able to earn it on his own.Αs stated by Silver, only humans are able to earn it. Even if Nox seems to be different from the other keys, he might still be sharing some specific traits with them ( just like how he knows how every story is supposed to go by the time he enters it, which is another trait of the keys).

-When Nox met Chase for the first time,he seemed enraged and was the most aggressive we have ever seen him. After seeing a glimpse of his circumstances in the finale,we can assume that anyone in his shoes would be desperate to achieve their goals. Nox comes off as a perfectionist and control freak and Chase being in the equation obviously wasn't in his initial plans, whatever those were,so I believe his aggressive attitude during their first meeting stemmed from his desperation to take control of the situation.

-When Nox grabs Chase by the collar during their first meeting,he makes sure to take a good look at Silver.Nox knows that the key is merely a symbol around his neck and that the real key is in the real world,that gives me the impression that he was aware of the crack and he wanted to check on Silver’s condition.

-Nox said that Chase was wasting his time and to quote him"after all that and it's just a small weak little thing like you".The way he phrased that showcased two things. Firstly,he hints that he (either directly or indirectly) has been planning carefully towards his intended goal and putting a lot of effort into it,but Chase's presence stands in the way as he doesn't deem him worthy to possess a key. Secondly,it shows that he didn't think that Chase was good enough for whatever job the person who was supposed to find Silver had to do.But, his opinion on Chase seems to change during the toffee break arc when he starts considering him useful. By that moment, it seems that Nox had already been making adjustments to his plans and adding Chase into the equation. This brings me to my next point.

-At first, Nox was really determined to get Chase out of the books,but in the cinderfella arc he was willing to come to an agreement,why the sudden change in attitude? I think that's the point where he started to make adjustments to his plans and decided to add Chase in them without Chase's knowledge.In other words,he decided to use Chase so he could carry on with his plans. Also, Nox never leaves a story first, could it be because there have to be conditions met so he can steal Chase's narratonin? Maybe this is why he insists on Chase following the stories and completing them. He can't earn narratonin on his own, so he needs someone else to complete the story for him. If certain conditions are not met, he can not steal it. This means their bet during that arc could be some sort of way for Nox to test Chase, and see if he is suitable for his plans and whether he can ensure that Chase meets the necessary conditions for Nox to steal the narratonin. This would explain his pensive expression by the end of ep 7. He doesn't seem to want an innocent person to get involved in any of this, which could mean that his aggressive attitude at first could be a mix of desperation to regain control and also an attempt to protect an outsider that has no idea what he got himself into. However,since his attempts to kick Chase out of the books proved to be unsuccessful,he had no choice but to revise his plans and include Chase instead. Ultimately,Chase was a stranger to him and the stakes seemed too high for Nox to show any consideration for Chase. From Nox’s perspective, Chase is an outsider whose intentions Nox found difficult to trust. Nox always made assumptions about Chase,believing him to be incompetent, a quitter and even dishonest and underhanded.It is possible that Nox held onto these beliefs as if he wanted to create a narrative in which Chase was not a good person, convincing himself to adhere to this perspective while not wanting to give Chase the chance to prove him wrong.

-Back in the beach boys arc,I think that at the time when Nox was hypnotising info out of Chase, it was for his own personal purposes and not because someone in a higher rank forced him to do so. First of all, if a magical, evil organisation had lost some of their precious artifacts, you would think they would put more effort into getting them back.Especially if they knew that two keys are actively being used by two young boys. If Nox was Indeed an agent sent to retrieve the keys,he sure would not be the best one at his job as he not only doesn't show results,but he actually lets the boys use the keys despite his threatening attitude,which means that Nox is operating on his own with the help of Violet and presumably the aid of other keys(?). Thus, ex libris doesn't know that Nox is going into books and a part of Nox does seem to want Chase to continue with the stories so he can fulfill his plans. For the reasons mentioned above,I think when Buddy tried to get info out of Chase in that arc, it wasn't because he was forced and, we also know that he personally wouldn't be able to go where Chase lives (not when he is smaller than the chocolate bars he likes to eat),but it was because of his own curiosity about Chase (cause he was starting to warm up to him a bit at that point) and probably in order to shake off any possible guilt he might have felt about using Chase. His goal was to convince himself that Chase was indeed like any other human he has met before— selfish,a liar and manipulative and he wanted to convince himself that if given the chance,Chase would also use him,but Chase keeps proving him the opposite,slowly changing Nox’s view on the world cause he teaches him that there can be honesty, there can be kindness, there can be selflessness.

- Now I previously said that Nox is most likely not forced to work for Ex Libris,but he did mention that there is an old man that shouldn't notice that there is something missing. That gives us two pieces of information. 1) Even if Nox is not under constant supervision,he isn't free either.2)I assume that what's missing is not only Silver (and some other keys, but I will get back to that later),but also the ripped page that was within the book that Chase found, because the comic cuts off to a panel of a book with a ripped page back in ep 3. It is impossible that Nox was the one that put Silver and the page in the library, unless he can control his height and is allowed outside which I doubt, cause what would be the point of all this,then? Still, the book was obviously put there on purpose by someone and even had the words "read me" as if meant to capture one's attention.It was most likely a sign for someone to recognise it and take it.But who? All I can think of is that either Nox, or someone in a similar situation as Nox,had the chance to get in contact with someone of the outside world that could help them, cause if the person that was meant to find Silver was someone within the organisation ,why would they need instructions on how the keys work?Nox seems to know plenty about the keys and I assume anyone in the same situation as him would too(or it could be because Violet shared all the information she has about the keys). This crosses out the theory of that person being part of the organisation and leaves us with the assumption that the person intended to find Silver was either an outsider, or someone with limited knowledge of the keys and the organisation. This theory gives me the chance to talk about the flyers about the keys that are all over the town. I doubt that it is Ex Libris, though it is a possibility,but if it was Indeed them behind the flyers, why do they look for a set of missing keys and not mention the exact number of the keys that are missing? Maybe because the person that posted the flyers doesn't know how many keys there are, maybe it is someone with limited knowledge that would need instructions on how to use the keys.That makes me think that the person that posted the flyers is the person that was supposed to find Silver (and maybe other keys as well), but they were late as someone else had already found them.After that, they put up flyers with rewards in hopes to find the keys.As the reward seems to be high,we could assume that this person is rich and might have some sort of power which is why their help would be of use to Nox.

-Finally, concerning the old man I have the following theory. I personally think that ex libris is not an active organisation anymore. It might have faded away over the years and that old man that Nox mentioned is perhaps a descendant of a high ranking member that discovered its archives and rebuilt it or is attempting to rebuild it on his own terms. In dreams by night, we see Nox dressed as if he's a captive trying to escape. This leads me to think that the old man from whom Nox is trying to run away,in his attempt to rebuild the organisation, established some kind of institution as a front—perhaps an orphanage or a facility meant to help kids and young adults without homes or families to turn to. Such a set-up would make it easier to exploit them without anyone noticing or searching for them. I feel that Nox likely grew up in this newly established organisation, having no family of his own, which explains why he knows so much about the keys and ex Libris,as well why he is now wary of others.His trust was likely betrayed when a place meant to help him turned out to be using him.The theory that the organisation is no longer active can be supported by the fact that when Silver awoke,she didn't seem to recognise the style clothing from today's era (unless ex libris had some sort of dress code to enhance the cult like Vibe—which I understand, cause if I was running an evil organisation I would totally have a dress code) or any of the technologies (But this could also be because the keys were too restricted). Additionally,the book shown in ep 3 (I think), from which a page is missing,is likely the same ripped page that explains how the keys work. This suggests the book might be a set of records intended for future use,as members of ex libris would already know how to use the keys. Also,as mentioned above,Nox and violet are not shown to be strictly supervised. An organisation with the profile of Ex Libris wouldn't go too long without using the keys or allowing them to be awake, which means that the old man's priorities may lie somewhere else for the time being instead of using the keys or even tracking them.There's a possibility he hasn't noticed that Silver is missing or maybe he doesn't care enough to try and retrieve her. If we accept the theory of ex libris being inactive for years,it would be logical if some keys were lost over those years and it would be too hard to find them now,so the old man instead of looking for them is trying to replace the missing ones by experimenting on humans (Nox's case? He seems to be a replacement for the villain key)

-Before I reach my final point, I wanna talk about ‘’Dreams by night’’ because it has been on my mind A LOT.When Nox looks at the mirror, he sees his own reflection with an expression that seems both surprised and contemplative,as if he is summoning courage.This could signify that Nox is presenting a facade or some sort of persona to survive,implying that his current self is not who he is supposed or wants to be. He desires to leave this part of himself behind and change. This idea is reinforced when he picks up a clock, determined to break the mirror.However, then he  notices that the reflection has changed—it is now Chase.This could symbolise that, in order to escape, Nox feels he has to use Chase, which explains his guilty look and apologetic behaviour.Alternatively, Nox seeing Chase in the mirror could indicate that he sees Chase as a reflection of himself, or rather as someone onto whom he projects his own shortcomings/perception of himself (it is not uncommon for people in dysfunctional environments to see themselves in a bad light). Now Nox is forced to face an uncomfortable truth about himself as Chase’s presence could be bringing to light suppressed feelings and emotions.At the same time, Chase’s reflection could represent someone that Nox aspires/wishes to be— someone who lives freely, enjoys a normal life and has the luxury of being a kind and genuine person without any ulterior motives. Chase is a person who is authentic, like an open book. He is not restricted or forced to put up a front. This could be the kind of traits Nox would want to have had he not been in the situation he is. To achieve his desired life,Nox realises he has to break the mirror,but he is also aware that doing so will end up hurting Chase in the process of fulfilling his wish.However, on a more positive note, since Punko mentioned in her creator’s note that dreams are not always what they seem,the destruction of the mirror might foreshadow the collapse of Nox’s villainous persona, allowing him to transform into his desired version of himself. Chase might serve as the catalyst of this change,pushing Nox toward a positive change.

- Last but not least, when it comes to the keys we know for sure that some of them have gone missing. What bothers me is Silver's crack back in the beginning of the story and why Nox seems to be replacing the villain key. We have seen that keys can suffer damages if a book is destroyed or in the process of being destroyed. Maybe something went wrong the last time Silver and the original villain key were in a book and as a result, Silver was cracked, while the villain key was damaged beyond repair, which is why Nox is replacing him.  In the ‘’still waters’’ arc, Nox said ‘’I have never seen it attempted on a damaged book’’ to Chase’s question of whether completing the story would get them out. This leaves room to interpret that he has seen keys being stuck in a damaged book before. (The original villain key and possibly Silver as I mentioned which is why he checked her condition upon his first meeting with Chase).

It is also noteworthy that when Chase found Silver, she was not rusty like Bronze and Goldie. Does the rusty condition of Bronze and Goldie suggest that they have been lost for a longer time than Silver? On the other hand, if we accept the theory that that one time Bronze visited a book ,Nox appeared and decided to leave the book in fear of being recognised when he saw Bronze was the one who entered, it could mean that Bronze and Goldie know Nox, so there is also a chance they were not lost a long time ago after all. What seems to be true is that someone intended for Silver to be found, while Bronze and Goldie were probably lost/scattered. Maybe someone wanted to prevent an abuse of power and prevent a wish from being made, so they stole some keys since all 12 need to be present for a wish.

Long theory less long,I think Nox is a captive in a shady organisation run by the old man he mentioned. This new group somehow discovered Ex Libris and what they used to do with the keys, so now they want to use magical items for their own purposes by experimenting on other humans. In an attempt to escape, Nox came up with a plan involving Silver and Violet, but things didn't go as planned cause he would not have guessed that on a random summer day, Chase would stumble upon Silver in a dull library,giving him the opportunity for a miracle to save his mom,all while being completely unaware of the chaos unfolding behind the scenes. Also, in ‘’dreams by night’’ the image of Nox breaking the mirror, where Chase’s reflection appears and it causes him to apologise, could also be a metaphor for Nox using Chase and stealing his narratonin in order to escape.This is why we see Nox passing through the mirror after shattering it, because he has no choice but to use Chase so he can be free and he feels guilty about it.However, now he seems reluctant to carry on with his plans as he realised his feelings for Chase.It is also heavily implied that Chase makes his motivation of turning back into a human stronger, so he might need to have a change of plans in order to avoid hurting Chase. (It is a nice parallel of trust between Nox and Chase, as this time it is Nox who needs to prove his trust in Chase. He was recently hurt that Chase kept a secret from him,but now it seems he will be the one to reveal a secret he has been keeping and I feel Silver’s letter to Violet will play a role in that).

This is just a theory, a Cinderella boy theory… ( that could turn out to be a total bunch of nonsense, but it was still fun to write). if you read this far, thank you so much for your time, here’s a virtual cake-> 🧁 to thank you for sticking this long!

[viviennemaeve]

Alter Ego's and Second selves-

Alter Egos Embracing the Versions of Ourselves That We Haven’t Met Yet

Have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror and wondered, Who else could I be? Not in a regretful or unsatisfied way, but in a dreamy, what-if-I-could way? That’s where alter egos and aspirations come into play—the untapped versions of ourselves that live in our heads, waiting for their turn on stage.

Let’s get one thing straight: alter egos aren’t just for superheroes or pop stars (though, shoutout to Beyoncé) They’re for anyone who dares to think, What if? What if I were bolder? What if I were softer? What if I stopped apologizing for existing or chasing approval like it’s oxygen? Alter egos are like a mental Pinterest board of who you could be if you allowed yourself to dream without limits.

The Beauty of an Alter Ego:

An alter ego isn’t about being fake or pretending. It’s about unlocking a part of yourself that feels just out of reach. Maybe in your day-to-day life, you’re shy and careful, but in your head, there’s a version of you who commands rooms, speaks their mind, and leaves a trail of awe behind them. That’s your alter ego whispering, You could be me if you tried.

Think of them as your personal blueprint for growth, not an impossible standard. They’re the person you’d be if fear didn’t exist, if failure didn’t sting, if your past didn’t weigh you down like an anchor. Like for me it's Vivienne Maeve..

For many might've thought that it is my real name but no Vivienne Maeve is my alterego. Someone who i embody,someone who isn't afraid to stand tall, someone who knows their own worth.

Aspirations

The Bridge Between You and Them

Aspirations are the breadcrumbs that lead you from who you are now to who you want to be. They’re the daydreams you can’t shake, the goals that feel a little too big, and the moments when you think, Why not me? Aspirations and alter egos go hand in hand—they’re both fueled by a belief that you’re not finished yet.

But here’s the catch: you can’t just live in the fantasy of your alter ego. At some point, you have to build the bridge. You have to take the risks, face the rejections, and rewrite the narratives that say you can’t.

When the Lines Blur

Here’s the best part: the more you lean into your alter ego, the more they stop feeling like someone else and start feeling like…you. That bold, unapologetic version of yourself? They’re just you without the doubt. That kind, forgiving version? They’re you without the baggage. Alter egos aren’t some magical transformation; they’re already you—just amplified, refined, and unafraid.

Let’s Get Real for a Second

Not every day will feel like a leap toward your dreams. Some days, even imagining your alter ego feels exhausting, like trying to envision the sun on a stormy day. And that’s okay. Growth isn’t linear, and aspirations don’t come with a deadline.

But here’s the thing: the more you show up, even in the smallest ways, the more you blur the line between who you are and who you want to be. One day, you’ll look back and realize you didn’t just meet your alter ego—you became them.

So, to anyone out there dreaming of their “better” self, here’s your reminder: that version of you already exists. They’re just waiting for you to believe in them.

[lillified]

Hello!

I am a big fan of your au and the lore you have built around it, especially with the Decepticons, but as someone who loves G1, MTMTE, and the Lost Light Comics, I'm wondering why you chose to make Magnus' and Hot Rod's bond paternal? I feel like the parentification of Magnus diminishes his character to just that and Kup, or even Optimus, fill that role better. I apologize if this seems like a mean-spirited or unnecessary criticism, but I am just a Ultra Magnus enjoyer and want to know more about your thought process behind their portrayal.

hi! the simple answer is -i dont like ultra magnus

i'm kidding, but i'm not entirely sure how to answer this question--ultra magnus is a character with a few disparate appearances and very different personalities dependent on the role. most of you have probably noticed that most of my interpretations of characters have very different "root personalities" or iterations that serve as the primary inspiration, and that's because the characters i use are picked for narrative convenience--I have a wider story I'm interested in and while I'm aiming to portray characters with their "core truth," i'm also (I hope) very transparent about how my interpretations are specific and personal.

I've mentioned how the way I portray the characters does not usually line up with the IDW comics, and that's because a lot of those portrayals just don't interest me--while I don't mind people looking at my stuff and thinking my portrayal of a character is flanderized (there are so many transformers and it is impossible to be interested in all of them lol, some of them inevitably are), I also don't want people thinking or expecting that these versions of the characters are going to line up exactly with what you might expect from your own favorite iteration.

I don't think Ultra Magnus as a character is diminished by being parentified because I'm working from a different idea of ultra magnus--specifically, I'm interested in his earliest portrayal and the kind of odd niche he plays in TF history. He's a bit of an unfortunate character, and just like how a lot of people didn't like Hot Rod, a lot of people didn't like Magnus, or at least thought he was a bit disappointing or pathetic. I decided to have him and Hot Rod share that kind of awkward, mismatched paternal relationship because I think it brings out alot of their quirks. I like them because they're these misfit, oddball characters with a lot of similarities, but also a lot of points of friction, and neither is wholly or even partially excluded to their relationship with the other. Both of them have big roles they don't quite meet and both of them get overshadowed because a lot of people feel like they don't have much to offer. That's the main reason a lot of the Autobots you'll see me present are usually B- or C-listers--I'm interested in characters like this and I want to show some love to some of the neglected or misunderstood parts of the extended TF universe. Maybe it's contrarian, but above all I'm interested in presenting a version of the characters that, while not always completely individual or totally unique, serves the broader narrative and accurately portrays what I find interesting about that character.

I hope this answered your question--apologies if it was a little hard to follow, I'm a little stoned rn and while my gears are turning, I can't guarantee I'm super coherent lol. Interesting stuff to talk about!

[rouge-fauna]

Some ironic/idiotic points I’ve seen way too many people say:

Tommy and Dream should have worked things out privately

How? Did you miss the part that Tommy literally blocked Dream on everything and refused to talk to Dream? How is he meant to handle it privately? Besides I’m pretty sure Tubbo in his first stream is the one that brought up things like the messages to Tommy’s mom in the first place, so if anything Tubbo is the one who brought up things to the public and made things bigger than they needed to be. Remember, his hour long stream about the meme and reasons why he dislikes Dream and how this is Dream’s “death by a thousand cuts” came first before Dream’s first stream where he reacted to parts of Tubbo’s stream.

Dream takes no accountability

He apologized for something he’s not even done, he literally took down the meme, admitted it was a bad thing to do, apologized multiple times for it, apologized for not doing a proper apology the first time and explained his reasoning. That’s literally the definition of taking accountability. Like what more do you want? Want him to beg on his knees for the internet (who called him every slur in the book) to forgive him? He made a mistake, we all do, he apologized, let’s move on, because there are parties in this drama who haven’t taken accountability or apologized so maybe we should be focused on that.

Dream and Dream Team are sexist and misogynists

Says the people who formed a nation on a role play server called L’MANberg because it didn’t allow woman (or non-Europeans). Says the guy who I get frustrated to watch because of all his sexists and inappropriate jokes (I still don’t understand how the majority of his fans are woman like heh?). Says the people who when asked why they think this only bring up recent public examples, despite a - they have always been sexists behind the scenes implication, all but one of which are bogus anyways.

Well they didn’t handle the Caiti situation properly.

What do you mean? They all responded, I’m pretty sure apologized and owned up and took Caiti’s side and made sure to tell their fandom to not go after her. Meanwhile, you think Dream should have brought her up, when she has specifically asked to not be talked about anymore. Pretty sure if he never responded he’d be bashed for not taking accountability and if he did mention her in the recent video then he’d be bashed for not respecting her wishes.

Dream’s neurodivergence (Autism and ADHD) is not important here why is it being used as an excuse.

It ain’t. I don’t think I’ve seen a single person excuse his behavior or whatever, in fact the same people pointing out the autism piece are also mostly the same neurodivergent people who are the ones upset by the use of the word. But this all blew up with the r word which Dream was told by people using it against him that it can be used by someone who’s autistic. So from the get go it’s kinda important. Then you look at the pieces, at the comments people make about Dream being weird or doing things that are socially unacceptable, is inappropriate, ridiculous…etc and then you get to a 3 hour stream of talking in circles as they can’t seem to understand eachother or at least Tubbo not understanding Dream, which afterwards Tubbo labels his Audhd way of communicating as manipulative. So yea I’d say autism, adhd and neurodivergence are pretty damn relevant and important.

Just ahhhhhsbhfnnabdnnand… I still see people condemning him for the damn r word and it’s like bruh… move on. We are way past that damn meme he apologized multiple times for at this point. Especially from the moment Tommy posted his video and weaponized his fandom against Dream. And good god, and if you didn’t watch the streams then don’t be acting like you have this hot take and posting essays and shit because damn, maybe the reason no one’s said that is because it isn’t true, something you’d known if you watched all of the streams!………….. sorry just had to get that off my chest…

[heartach3d]

it's okay.

luke castellan x reader

not requested!

1.3k words

showluke implied because Im a charlie bushnell girl

today has been the absolute worst day. from the start of the day towards the middle of it all of it. has been the absolute worst.

it's making my patience small and I know I'm gonna burst out at someone any minute now. and then I'm gonna regret it terribly.

I just hope it isn't at someone who doesn't deserve it. I mean if it's some douche I wouldn't really feel bad (not at all)

but if its to annabeth or luke or something I would feel so terrible.

in the morning I had to clean the pegasus stables and that is already terrible enough.

then I was late to breakfast so I ate nothing and lunch is disgusting today! so I just sat at my table and I had no one to talk to and when I tried talking I would always get cut off!

I mean I love my siblings but sometimes they talk to much! so I was lonely like all day basically and I don't do good with no one to talk to.

I don't know why I just have to talk to someone or I'll go crazy in my own thoughts and then that's when it gets bad again.

I've tried to fix it or help it but I just can't. it always comes back.

now I have to do training with luke. and don't get me wrong I love training with him it's just. I feel like he treats me like a baby. I've seen the way he let's me win.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling little. and I know that's not his intention so I try and go harder. and maybe when he realizes I can take care of myself then he'll go a little harder.

I walked to our spot where we train. it was always in the woods for some reason. maybe it was more intimate

"you ready?" I heard from behind me as I was looking for him. "I guess" I say fiddling with my fingers and looking down a little.

"what's wrong?" "nothing- nothings wrong okay?" I say setting my stuff down and getting ready.

"let's just get started?" I say trying to lighten up the mood i created when I saw his confused face.

-

I had tried my best I know I did. and I could tell. he wasn't trying at all!

I mean I get he's only training with me because I could use some help but damn this isn't helping at all!

he's the best swordsman at the camp and he can't even make it seem like he's trying? I'm just getting so frustrated putting my all for.. for.. nothing!

my sword slices through the air one last time before I had gotten to my frustration point.

"why do you always have to do this?!" he looks up for a second before I continue "I mean your supposed to be the best at camp and you can't even pretend to fake it for me!"

"I hate this, I hate this sword, I hate these people and everything!" I say throwing my sword to the floor and going down with it.

it was all really a blur next. but I don't know if its because I was crying or because of my little episode.

I'm sitting on the floor knees to my head and holding onto myself like if I let go I would fall apart like a puzzle and never be able to put myself together again.

I heard lukes voice from the side of me. "hey hey it's okay! what's wrong please tell me what's wrong." he said wrapping his arm around me.

"please I want to know your okay what happened, are you hurt?" he keeps persisting and I don't even know what to say.

'oh I've been mad all day so now I'm bringing it out on you!' see when you say it in your mind it sounds worse.

"I'm sorry luke I'm so so sorry!" I say rocking back and forth slightly. I just whisper to myself sorrys and how I shouldn't have brought it down on him.

"hey hey you have nothing to apologize for." he says trying to get my attention from my head still burried in my knees.

"I promise I didn't mean it please don't break up with me I'm sorry!" I ramble not knowing what to say but wanting to express my sorrys.

he gently lifts my head and cups my cheeks. "I am not breaking up with you over something this little. I could not even think about it" he slowly wipes my tear stained cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

he allows me to calm down a bit before asking again "now would you mind telling me what happened to make my girl freak out like this?"

"it's dumb. just a horrible morning. and you didn't deserve to have it brought onto you." I say blinking my wet lashes away.

"I don't care for any of that. your my girl and I just want to know what's going on so I can help." he whispers as he kisses my temple. "got it?"

"got it." I say smiling lightly at him. "good now come on its getting a bit late" he says patting my leg and helping me get up.

helloo! I thought this would be cute so I whipped it up quickly before I went to bed! also! the cut was only a few minutes later I would say to support the timeline more!